Oh dear blog, I’ve neglected you and I’m sorry.
I just took a moment to look at my blog and realized that I haven’t touched it since April and yup, you guessed it… life changed some more.
New doors open, old doors closed, some hit me on the way out and some were cautiously opened. Yet, through each door I walked right through them and haven’t looked back. Sometimes with one foot in the door, hesitating to pick up the other foot and walk right through with both feet.
Life is forever changing, ups downs, bumps, victories, challenges, highs, lows and some really great moments. What the heck hasn’t happened in the last 5 months. Well I hope you can get comfy and holding some kind of beverage in your hand as you read along.
Where to begin…well let’s break it down – personal, professional, physical.
Personally, ha! How much time you got? I’m going to save that for last.
Professional – well I grew a lot professionally as the world wanted me to test out several things before actually settling into something I didn’t really think I’d enjoy and get pleasure out of. Several months ago, I thought I found my dream job more so, my dream work environment. I did, and it was glorious for a bit but that little tease of what an organization could be vanished quite quickly. To be honest, its ok. Every cloud certainly does have it’s silver lining and even when it’s pouring rain on you, it’s there. I found it… took a while, but I did. I can say that right now, I love my job and where I’m at. The dynamics around the office are hilarious and I love the people I work with. Not tooting my own horn or anything but I feel I bring a little bit of sunshine and a hug or two to the office and it helps immensely. I like it here…
Physically… HA! I laugh because it certainly has been a different type of mindset this year. After Orcas Island and that miserable experience, I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me. It did. It did more than I really thought it did and probably led on. It was a bit of a whirlwind experience and I took a few steps back to really realize what my body, mind and soul was asking for. It was asking just to chill. I “raced” Sun Mountain 25km with my lovely friend Linda and that’s when I felt my passion and the little running fire lit again. We were by no means racing but it was just what I needed to feel at home again. After that, I talked to a good friend that’s a coach and was set up properly to run with a plan. A plan that was up to me to follow, lessens the pressure that way. I stuck to it, best I could without making myself feel like I needed to be chasing that next race. I decided on one goal race this year and it wouldn’t be until the end of the year which was good. I’ve struggled a bit with the training because of a few things. I haven’t really said this out loud but I’m going to because it’s been on my mind. Call it an ‘overheard’ or people making comments but when you look at someone and question if you think they’re capable of doing something or the comment of ” really, do you want to? do you think you can? you complain about it” or even just that look you get from someone when you say something.. that stuff hurts. I know people don’t mean it in a malicious way but I guess hearing those types of things, does hurt a person. I guess that’s what feeds the doubt and the trick is not feeding the doubt and embracing it. I know what I’m capable of and I know I’ve struggled in races before, I know… trust me, if anyone knows it better it’s me but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it. I’m gently reminded that there is a race happening in December, one I plan to have fun with and race my little heart at and the gentle reminders are what I need right now. And you know what, I’ll prove you all wrong 🙂
Personally… Alright, here goes. Actually there isn’t this massive story to tell just that I’ve grown through lots the last 6 months. Great things, some challenging things, some sad stuff, some really great happy stuff and just life really. I was recently down crewing a friend for her first 100 miler and it wasn’t until Monday night as I stared at all the pictures rolling into Facebook that the whirlwind of emotions hit. We were part of something unique, something that money can’t buy and something you can’t quite sum up. The thing with these races, is that you never know what’s around the corner. Your past might be there, you’re reunited with life long friends, you meet new friends and you make memories that you’ll never forget. Like climbing into a big ass bed with 7 people and taking ridiculous photos. You watch a friend push beyond her limits, you hold her hand and you tell her ” you can do this, you already are” I cried on Monday night because I saw what humans are capable of doing and what happens when you strip yourself down to nothing but emotion and watching something that has the power to break you yet you rise above it.
I learnt a lot about second chances. I’ve given them and I’ve also received them. Life is full of second chances and if you’ve ever received one, be grateful. I am forever grateful for the second and even third chances that I’ve received and I’ve never looked back. I feel as though if you’re giving or receiving a second chance, that person believes in you and that speaks volumes.
People come and go in your life all the time, and sometimes you know why and sometimes you don’t. Everyone is there for a reason. Sometimes you might lose people and you’re more in love with the memories that you have than the person in front of you. The point is not stand still, as said in one of my previous posts. If you’re standing still, you’re not learning. Some relationships require a bit more and some don’t. The beauty of it, is that you get to choose what you want to put in each and every time. I love every person that is in my life right now. They’re there for a reason. But with all this, does come growth and sometimes challenge but the most important thing is trust. Trust in yourself and trust in the people who are there. I strive daily to be a better person. A person that embraces every thing… hugs, love, attention, being my word, eye contact, a kind tone, a smile and respecting everyone that’s in my life.
Also, just breathe… it’s simple really.
Go forth and have no fear.